Asian Comedian Tim Tayag in Singapore

Seems like I’m in Singapore every few months to perform at the awesome Comedy Masala. Here’s the transcript of my joke writing:

Wow! Thank you. Round of applause for all the comedians and Umar and for my Filipino people for showing up, alright.

I think this is the most we’ve had Filipinos in one show. Lucky Plaza must be so empty right now. Who’s buying? Who’s manning lucky plaza right now? Nobody!

Okay, before we start the show, I just want to make a few announcements. I’m no here to look after your kids. I’m not here to clean up after you guys. It’s my day off so please, let me enjoy.

And one more thing,  I’m not part of a band.

I used to be. I don’t know if you’ve heard of my band – it’s called Hale. Yeah, they kicked me out so I’m exHale now.

Apparently, a flute player has no place in a rock band.Nobody likes the flute player. Nobody’s gonna have sex with a flute player. It’s true like the lead singer, he gets laid all the time right?
The drummer, all he has to do is rock out. Even the guitar guy looks cool. And the flute guy, what do I do? Nothing

I just  stand there with my flute. Toot toot! Toot!

The most I can do is do this – Toootoootoooot!
Yeah nobody goes,  “I want that flute in my vagina!” No, nobody. You get no respect.

The only guy who had it worse than me was the triangle player. He just got nothing. He got nothing at all and sometimes he would mess up.

He be like TING!

And the band would tell him, “Not yet!”

Oh sorry! Sorry! Coz in the song book it says it’s my turn.

There’s a song book for the triangle. That’s how I wrote that joke.

Yes, I encourage you to visit the Philippines if you can because we need your money. It’s a third world. Singapore is a first world. We’re a third world so everything’s much cheaper, like 1 Singapore dollar is 35 Pesos.

Imagine that! So for the price of one hooker here in Singapore, you can get 35 hookers over there in the Philippines. Yeah! It’s cheap!

For the price of one beer, you can get 35 hookers over there! it’s the same punch line recycled, I know.

I’m not saying all Filipino women are hookers. No. But all hookers are are Filipina women. We do the currency in hookers over there.

How many hookers it that? I don’t know 5 hookers?