Blame It On Global Warming

If you’re one of those Ptolemaic people who still don’t believe global warming is happening, you deserve to be cooked by magnified UV rays while imprisoned in an airtight aquarium with smog being pumped in from a jeepney muffler. However, some people have used global warming, or “g-dub” for short, as the new scapegoat for anything and everything that goes wrong. Maybe there’s too much hype from the media, although I feel it’s justified. Or maybe there are just some people who try to sound cool and trendy by talking about it but have no clue to what it really means beyond slightly warmer temperatures.

While global warming is causing a lot of destruction to our planet, it is not the source of all our problems, such as when you’re riding with a friend and he complains, “Damn! It’s so hot! Global warming!” It’s probably because he needs to buy an air conditioner for his car. Here are more myths about global warming:

• Global warming is not an excuse for being late to work as some employee might say, “Sorry, I’m late. I got stuck in some heavy global warming.”
• Global warming does not cause body odor. You really just need to use deodorant.
• If your maid asks for an advance on her salary because of global warming, she should probably stop watching that DVD of “An Inconvenient Truth” in your bedroom.
• Global warming will not cause you to dance naked on the beach with glow-in-the-dark zips. Drugs will.
• Global warming will not give you pimples.
• If your date drops you off at the bus stop instead of taking you home and says it’s because he’s limiting his carbon footprint, he’s probably not that into you.
• Global warming will not sterilize you.
• Global warming will not cause you to flash your breasts in public. Again, drugs will.
• Global warming will not affect the signal of your cable TV. Illegal cable connections will.
• Global warming will not slow down your Internet connection.
• Global warming will not prevent you from receiving and replying to text messages of “where are you?” from your spouse.
• Global warming is not something Al Gore made up just so he can win an Oscar and a Nobel Peace Prize.
• Chuck Norris cannot stop global warming with a roundhouse kick.

After sharing with you these myth busters, I hope that you remain vigilant and alarmed because the next decade will determine if these myths eventually become true.