Modern Day Pinoy Heroes

Here’s an old article I wrote for Smile Magazine from way back. I no longer write for them. Anybody want to get me for a weekly column? Message me =)

Here is the transcript of the original article I wrote. We Filipinos love a good hero. In fact, we worship them so much we put them on a pedestal giving them demigod status, and we would crucify anyone who dare insult our revered idols. The following list comprises of the top 5 modern-day Filipino superheroes without the typical ones, like your parents or overseas Filipino workers (no offense to them, it’s just so cliché). Here they are, drum roll please:

Manny Pacquiao

Special Power: left hook, right hook, speed, and power

Details: The Pacman, by virtue of his popularity and incredible boxing skills, tops this list or any other superlative category. His legend grows with every fight he wins. His rags-to-riches story only adds to his epic tale. Some Filipinos believe he gets his strength from an amulet, a carabao’s tooth, that is embedded in his arm. But we all know that is a ridiculous myth, it’s actually embedded in his chest. This best pound for pound boxer remains humble and God fearing despite his huge success in the ring, in his singing career, and even on the big screen. He has the power to unite the whole country and eliminate crime, since even the bad guys are glued to the television during his fights (and I don’t mean Congress).

Weakness: English and running for Congress

Allan Pineda a.k.a Apl.de.Ap

Special Power: rapping

Details: Boom! Boom! Boom! I’m sure you’ve heard that catchy tune from the famous Black Eyed Peas, whose members include Philippine-born apl.de.ap, will.i.am, the sexy Fergie, and that American Indian guy whose name always eludes me, ah Taboo. Allan Pineda has always been proud of his Filipino heritage before it was fashionable or profitable to be Filipino. His special ability to bust a rhyme has sold him millions of albums and singles. Did I mention his group has won a grammy and a whole lot of Benjamins? When he spews out his lyrics, one can’t help but move one’s feet and dance in one’s underpants. Rumor has it, he used to date the delicious Fergie-licious. I can’t blame her, Apl is Capampangan after all, and you know what they say about us Capampangans – we know how to cook.

Weakness: none

Batista a.k.a “The Animal”

Special Power: Batista bomb

Details: If you’re into wrestling, then you’ve heard of Batista. The former four time WWE World Heavy Weight Champion towers over most Filipinos at 6 foot 6 inches with muscles bigger than three carabaos combined. This guy could carry a whole house if he wanted to, okay maybe not a house but a nipa hut at least. I’ve seen this wrestler in person and he has a special charisma that can bring a whole crowd screaming at the top of their lungs when he brandishes his Philippine flag tattoo on his arm. Never mind that wrestling is pre-orchestrated, Batista has put Filipinos on the map of fake entertainment. He is living proof that even if the Filipino race averages about 5 foot 2 inches tall and 90 lbs., you can still reach unprecedented heights and weight with the help of milk, hard work, and foreign genes from Greece.

Weakness: Booker T

Vanessa Anne Hudgens

Special Power: triple threat or triple treat of good looks, singing, and acting

Details: If you have kids, nephews, or nieces, I’m sure you’ve endured having to hear the songs from High School Musical 1, 2, and 3. I’ve seen each movie at least three times and I have to admit, the songs are pretty catchy. The series, which started as made-for-TV movies and turned into a made-for-movie movie, has catapulted Vanessa Anne Hudgens into mainstream stardom. In addition, Miss Hudgens, who’s mother is Filipina, two top-selling albums under her belt and she hasn’t even reached legal drinking age. With her stunning looks, chart-busting voice, and Disney-certified acting, this superwoman made it to #20 in the list of Forbes “High Earners Under 30” in 2008. She is a role model young Filipina girls can emulate. And to all the Filipina girls, don’t forget to give your parents a cut of your cash when you make it to the top.

Weakness: Nude photography

Call Center Employees

Special Power: to earn dollars

Details: These are our country’s unlikely heroes. Having the schedule of vampires and a knack for changing their accents depending on who they’re trying to fool, call center employees have kept our country afloat during these times of financial crisis. With their “can do” and “I don’t need sleep” attitude, these guys have been raking in much needed foreign investments and spending it, making our economy less susceptible to these economic crashes that has devastated our Asian neighbors. They’ve taken our English skills – thanks to our American colonizers – and turned a profit. Now that is a special kind of power.

Weakness: the sun