Mother’s Day

Today, we celebrate our mothers. It’s the least we could do for all the sacrifices they’ve made for us. It’s not easy pushing out a baby from your womb into the world through a tiny vagina. Have you ever had to go to the bathroom after 3 days of not going at all? Sorry about that, in case you’re eating while reading this.

But I think we should take it a step further: there should be a deadbeat dad’s day. Yes, I’m talking about giving a day to all these irresponsible fathers whose only contribution is their sperm. But instead of celebrating them, let us make them pay, literally. I say about P10,000 or $200 each. It’s not much if you think of all the expenses mothers have to cover: tuition, milk, medicine, groceries, the Disney channel, and therapy. And on the same day, these loser dads should serve all the mothers with manual labor. They should give moms pedicures, buy them sanitary napkins, and buy them a nice pair of Charles and Keith shoes. But the dads shouldn’t match up with the mothers of their kids because that would just be a bad thing waiting to happen. It should be a pool and mothers get to pick which slave they want for the day. In fact, we should add deadbeat sons to this pool. Yeah, those 30-plus something guys who don’t have jobs and still live with their parents (you can usually find them on the Most Eligible Bachelor’s List on the Tattler).

I guess what I’m trying to say is love your mothers because they’re the only ones you’ve got.