Telenovela Teachings

I’m not being un-nationalistic when I claim that teleseryes are dumb. I’m not singling out the local ones, I’m pertaining to all telenovelas be it Korean, Mexican, Malaysian, etc. The plots are as stupid as any boxer who thinks he can last 12 rounds in the ring with Manny Pacquiao. And for some strange reason, I watched a whole hour or so of it last weekend. Surprisingly, despite the ridiculous storyline (come on, a twin sister that lives underwater), there were a lot of life lessons that I learned. I’d like to share them with you:

Everybody has a twin and they’re always yin and yang. One is bad and the other is good. One is rich and the other is poor. One is normal and the other grows in blue light when taken out of the water. You have a doppelganger you haven’t met yet.
Factory owners are always mean and evil. They never give you a day off even if it’s your kid’s graduation.
Evil people always speak in English then say the exact same thing again in Tagalog. For example, “I thought I told you never to see that boy again… diba sinabi ko na sayo na bawal kayong magkita ng lalaking iyan!”
When a person goes to the office or comes back from the office, he or she has to carry an attaché case. If there is no attaché case, that person is not going to the office or did not come from the office.
Cherry Gil can play any character but it will always be a sharp-nosed character.
When in doubt, ask the maid. They know what’s really going on with the world: who’s doing what, who the mistress of the husband is, and who really kidnapped the child.
If you really want to know the plot of evil people, when they ask you to leave the room just sneak back after a second and wait for their monologue. They will reveal their true intentions.
No phone line is ever secure.
If you want to kill someone, do it yourself and make sure you see the dead body. Otherwise, that person will live and come back at the most inopportune time, like when you’re about to receive your inheritance or about to get married.
Lawyers are always evil, but then again you don’t need a telenovela to point that out to you.
Nothing good ever comes out of alcohol.

So I guess telenovelas aren’t all that bad. At least there are some practical teachings that you can apply in real life.