The Big Picture Movie Review – Thor the Dark World, Badges of Fury, and Dianna

I have a new segment on Jam 88.3FM on Philippine radio called “The Big Picture” with Jada Pangan. In this first episode, I review the following movies with a one minute time cap for each: Thor the Dark World, Badges of Fury, and Dianna.

If you’re more patient and are more of a visual person, here are the rough scripts I used for my reviews:

Thor the Dark World Movie Review

It’s about the immortal Thor and his battle with the dark elves and what he’s willing to sacrifice to save everyone.

Good Casting or Needs Fixing: With Natalie Portman in it, who wouldn’t want to watch it? I’ve been a fan ever since the Professional where she was 12 years old. Chris Hemsworth is also an eye candy for the ladies. You can’t go wrong with Tom Hiddleston and Anthony Hopkins.
Entertaining plot or needs more thought: Entertaining but complicated in the beginning. So pay attention.
Chick flick or Geek Flick: Definitely geek flick.
Bromance moments: 1
Onion moments: 2 but I’m not saying I did. It was so dusty in the movie.
Hottest babe in the movie: Natalie Portman and the Asgard chick
Action packed or enough time to snack: Action packed.
Memorable Line of the Movie: Don’t trust me, trust my rage.
Number of gratuitous shots in the movie: 1 when Thor was washing his face, he had his shirt off. Why? I heard he didn’t want to take his shirt off for the movie. Ladies weren’t complaining.
DVD or Big Theater Movie: Big theater. Imax not necessarily 3D.
What did my wife think of Thor: Corny, tapon lang ng tapon ng hammer.
Thor Movie in 3 Words: Loko si Loki
Porn version of Thor: Mas-Thor Bay Thor

Badges of Fury Review

It’s a comedy mystery about an actress whose fiancees all die of a mysterious smiling curse. The 2 detectives Jet Li and Wen Zhang figure out who’s behind the murders.

Good casting or Needs Fixing: Jet Li, Wen Zhang, Collin Chou, Michelle Chen, Liu Shishi, and Ada Lio. I’m sure all big names but I only recognize one.
Entertaining plot or needs more thought: Actually entertaining if you come in with no expectations.
Chick flick or Dick Flick: Slapstick Dick flick.
Corny or Made Me Horny: Both.
Hottest Babe in the Movie: The actress, her sister, and a couple of extras at the beach.
Action Packed or Enough Time to Snack: Definitely action packed but you can have a popcorn especially since you probably will ignore the subtitles after a while and just focus on their facial expressions and kung fu moves.
Memorable Line of the Movie: None, because I don’t speak Mandarin.
Movie Pegs: Kung Fu Hustle meets Crouching Tiger meets Tanging Ina Mo
DVD or Big Theater Movie: VCD
Badges of Fury in 3 Words: Jet Li kicks ass. That’s 4 but that’s how the movie felt.
My Driver Jun’s Review: Galing pa rin ni Jet Li parang di tumatanda.

Still worth watching but DVD na lang.

Diana Movie Review

A biography drama of the forbidden love of the late Princess Di with a Pakistani Surgeon named Hasnat Khan.

Good casting or Needs Fixing: Naomi Watts did a good job though I can’t tell with accents. I’m on the fence on Naveen Andrews. Some find him hot but I can’t see it.
Entertaining plot or needs more thought: Entertaining. A lot of “Wow, she really did that” moments.
Action Packed or Enough Time to Snack: Have a shawarma while watching
Chick flick or Dick Flick: Definitely a date movie.
Onion Moments: Quite a few. Again, hard to tell coz the theater was dusty. The scene were she runs across Hyde Park did it for me.
Hottest Babe in the Movie: Hasnat Khan.
Best Line of the Movie: You don’t perform the operation, the operation performs you.
Worst Line of the Movie: You don’t perform the operation, the operation performs you.
Moral Lesson of the Movie: Everything looks better when you wear Todd’s driving shoes.
DVD or Big Theater Movie: It depends on how much you want to impress your date.
My Wife’s Review: It was shocking to find out Princess Di was in love with a commoner.

Hasnat Khan is one lucky mofo. But I still want my money back.